Hello, my name is Doris and I'd like to make a complaint.

According to the  National Institutes of Health   approximately 5% of 40-year-old men and between 15% and 25% of 65-year-old men experience erectile dysfunction on a long-term basis.  Well, my experience of men between the ages of 40-53 have been a little umm, unsatisfying at times. My personal stats are way, errr way higher. Basically I'm calling bullshit on the NIH statistics.   There are 3 reasons that could cause the statistics I have observed to be so much higher than the NIH statistics.  (1) Not every man with erectile dysfunction (ED) mentions it to their doctor so therefore recorded stats are lower than reality. (2) I'm dating a pool of men who have had problems with their relationship, and ED may have contributed to that.  (3) I'm unattractive and men lose their ability to maintain an erection when they see me nude - now that couldn't possibly be true. Discount (3). It is my belief that approximately  50% of men aged 40-53 have E...

Today I’m going to divulge what I know about and term ‘parachute’ men.  These are the men who favour a soft landing when it’s time to come to earth. Over the last year and a half I've had the pleasure of dating a few men who (1) are still living with their wives but claim to be separated and (2) spend their adult lives setting up the next relationship before they've ended the existing one.  I call these men 'parachute men'. Firstly, I'll tackle the men who need one relationship to ooze into another.  These men are hand-holders and need to be loved and petted a lot in order to be completely happy.  *Romeo, the “but you didn’t ask” man (see  my previous post  about a man who is happy to orgasm every time he enters a woman, and happier still if his partner quietly puts up with receiving nothing for her efforts - sorry a bit vague, that does cover a large proportion of the male population) was a classic.  He couldn't be by himself for a we...

I did just sneek a conventional date into the mix the other night.  Went out with Steve from RSVP (singles dating website).  This was date number 2 for us.  Let me help you to picture Steve.  He is kind of ugly, shorter than me and bald.  When he met me for our first date, he was dismissive and a bit tired and over all the dating.  I bought him a coffee while I had a wine.  He could barely be bothered speaking to me at first because the first place I had arranged to meet was closed, and that had put his afternoon out a bit.  As he said to me, "I couldn't believe you would choose to meet somewhere but not check to see if it was open."  Steve's eyebrows needed trimming, he'd grown a moustache for Movember that by our second date was beginning to hang over the top of his lips with a few longer hairs dangling near the entrance to his mouth.  He dealt with these annoying hairs and the newness of the mo by fingering and smoothing it down from...

Dear Mr ______, Re: homework for year 9 Religious Studies – “ Identify the qualities of a good wife…” I am outraged that year 9 boys at _____ have been asked to discuss in class the qualities of a good wife as outlined in various bible passages, and then compare these qualities with the concept of a good wife as understood in Australia today. I am outraged that one of the homework questions is to examine the text and gain a “fuller understanding” of the suffering of a barren woman, and the punishment for a woman who commits adultery. I object to having my son being given sexist and misogynistic text to read from the bible for a deeper understanding as part of his homework.  I object that he is given the task to gain a deeper understanding of passages such as “ when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife. The priest is to have her stand before the Lord and is to apply this entire law to her.   The husband will be innocent...

I've been obsessed with being well stocked with toilet paper ever since I shared a house with three university students in North Melbourne in my mid 20's.  We were ALWAYS running out of toilet paper for some reason.  I have clear memories of rising early to get to work for a 7am shift at the hospital, taking a shit and then reaching for the toilet paper...  Of course, no washers in that house either, so it was a matter of cleaning the shit off in the shower with a squeeze of shampoo and the use of a very tentative hand. These days I usually have a spare 15-20 rolls sitting in a cupboard somewhere.  Occasionally the stockpile will dwindle to the last 5 rolls or so, but I've never actually run out.  I escaped that godforsaken share accommodation one day while my flatmates were at Uni.  I abandoned my share of the bond and ran.  I acknowledge that my toilet paper fetish, when compared to the boiling cauldron of creepy disorders I could have devel...

Bisexual pride I'm taking my 6 weekly break from RSVP (internet dating website). I seem to be able to tolerate it for short burst of time and then, as the insults to my esteem and my 'self' build up, I abandon it for a month or so.  This time I'm not going back. I've had four dates over this last 6 weeks. Date # 1 was with John.  48 year old John left a message on my voicemail the morning of the date to say there was the possibility that he would be able to get tickets to the rugby game that night.  He wanted to be able to schedule the date for a time that would allow him to leave me and then attend the football game.  Oooh...fair enough I thought.  We met at 3pm at a nice bar near the river with views of the city.  John turned up late and was unshaven and he was wearing the same outfit I've seen on many men at the Laidley Horse Sales - riding boots, cream coloured jeans and a maroon t-shirt with a work emblem stamped on the upper left of the sh...

God, it's been ages since I've felt like sitting down and writing an entry.  The urge has re-emerged.  I've got something I need to complain about. Well, what's been happening? I've been pretty busy servicing a quasi-relationship up until about a month ago.  I say 'quasi' because with my five children, I'm never really capable of living up to any man's expectations with regards to time and commitment.  Anyway, I did try my best.  I tried dam hard actually.  Gave this guy my entire child-free Christmas period.  I let a one month introductory yoga membership, all $149 worth, go to waste in my efforts to spend time with this guy.  All those hours I could have read books on my bed in my clean and quiet house...gave them to him as well.  Our poor dog - he suffered from neglect.  I'd walk him then leave him, walk him then feed him and leave again. He was given so many bones to occupy him in those lonely hours that his shit came out white. ...