Hello, my name is Doris and I'd like to make a complaint.

I've been obsessed with being well stocked with toilet paper ever since I shared a house with three university students in North Melbourne in my mid 20's.  We were ALWAYS running out of toilet paper for some reason.  I have clear memories of rising early to get to work for a 7am shift at the hospital, taking a shit and then reaching for the toilet paper...  Of course, no washers in that house either, so it was a matter of cleaning the shit off in the shower with a squeeze of shampoo and the use of a very tentative hand. These days I usually have a spare 15-20 rolls sitting in a cupboard somewhere.  Occasionally the stockpile will dwindle to the last 5 rolls or so, but I've never actually run out.  I escaped that godforsaken share accommodation one day while my flatmates were at Uni.  I abandoned my share of the bond and ran.  I acknowledge that my toilet paper fetish, when compared to the boiling cauldron of creepy disorders I could have devel...