Hello, my name is Doris and I'd like to make a complaint.

I've been obsessed with being well stocked with toilet paper ever since I shared a house with three university students in North Melbourne in my mid 20's.  We were ALWAYS running out of toilet paper for some reason.  I have clear memories of rising early to get to work for a 7am shift at the hospital, taking a shit and then reaching for the toilet paper...  Of course, no washers in that house either, so it was a matter of cleaning the shit off in the shower with a squeeze of shampoo and the use of a very tentative hand. These days I usually have a spare 15-20 rolls sitting in a cupboard somewhere.  Occasionally the stockpile will dwindle to the last 5 rolls or so, but I've never actually run out.  I escaped that godforsaken share accommodation one day while my flatmates were at Uni.  I abandoned my share of the bond and ran.  I acknowledge that my toilet paper fetish, when compared to the boiling cauldron of creepy disorders I could have devel...

Bisexual pride I'm taking my 6 weekly break from RSVP (internet dating website). I seem to be able to tolerate it for short burst of time and then, as the insults to my esteem and my 'self' build up, I abandon it for a month or so.  This time I'm not going back. I've had four dates over this last 6 weeks. Date # 1 was with John.  48 year old John left a message on my voicemail the morning of the date to say there was the possibility that he would be able to get tickets to the rugby game that night.  He wanted to be able to schedule the date for a time that would allow him to leave me and then attend the football game.  Oooh...fair enough I thought.  We met at 3pm at a nice bar near the river with views of the city.  John turned up late and was unshaven and he was wearing the same outfit I've seen on many men at the Laidley Horse Sales - riding boots, cream coloured jeans and a maroon t-shirt with a work emblem stamped on the upper left of the sh...

God, it's been ages since I've felt like sitting down and writing an entry.  The urge has re-emerged.  I've got something I need to complain about. Well, what's been happening? I've been pretty busy servicing a quasi-relationship up until about a month ago.  I say 'quasi' because with my five children, I'm never really capable of living up to any man's expectations with regards to time and commitment.  Anyway, I did try my best.  I tried dam hard actually.  Gave this guy my entire child-free Christmas period.  I let a one month introductory yoga membership, all $149 worth, go to waste in my efforts to spend time with this guy.  All those hours I could have read books on my bed in my clean and quiet house...gave them to him as well.  Our poor dog - he suffered from neglect.  I'd walk him then leave him, walk him then feed him and leave again. He was given so many bones to occupy him in those lonely hours that his shit came out white. ...

Two of my five children are addicted to Skype.  They get home from school and then Skype the same friends they just said goodbye to on the train 30 minutes earlier. Lately I've been struggling with the concept that there are usually two extra children in my house at night.  Note that I have not written that I've been struggling with the concept of my children spending hours on the internet - I gave up worrying about that about a year ago for the sake of my sanity.  Last night I was standing in the kitchen eating a toasted sandwich while I picked my nose and read the newspaper.  A large glass of wine was within easy reach.  George (12 years) walked out into the kitchen with his computer in one hand chatting away to his friend while he got himself a drink from the fridge.  When I looked up his classmate was staring straight at me out of the little window in his screen. My house is a pigsty mid-week.  Crap everywhere.  I'm sure these friends don...

I'm packing it in at page 215.  I know I'm way behind the eighth ball when it comes to getting around to reading this book, but there is absolutely no way I can read any further.  "Fifty Shades of Grey" makes me angry. Here is what I have gleaned so far: So Anastasia is reading "the contract" with a view to signing it to give her more time with the mysterious and horribly attractive Christian. Anastasia - about to finish University, majoring in English Literature; modern; intelligent; never been drunk; never had sex; never had a boyfriend.  How convenient.  Meets Christian - fabulously wealthy; high-powered businessman; sexually intoxicating; control freak; sick sexual master-servant disciplinarian.  Christian spent his adolescent years as a Submissive wearing a dog collar and being led around by his aged girlfriend.  Umm, he's switched to Dominant now and prefers women younger than himself. Encounter # 1.  Christian shows Anastasia his Red Roo...

Pulling balls = very hard work indeed "In my opinion".  It's always important to say that.  In my opinion, certain personality traits are easy to pick up on just by reading a man's profile on an Internet dating site.  Quiet bits of information that can be gleaned from the information provided. Whether or not I'm correct, playing this game of deeper meaning makes the screening process a bit more fun.  What music do you like?   This seems like an innocent enough question.  In my opinion, this question isn't so innocent.  Men who still list the same bands and songs that were popular when they were teenagers have failed to progress and grow.  25-30 years have passed since they were at university and you can't tell me that in all those years they are unable to come up with a few new tunes that take their fancy.  My guess is that they still have exactly the same opinions as they had back then.  Harsh aren't I?   Yes, yes, I'm g...

You know those people with you see at the shops with hunched shoulders, cross eyes, pigeon-toes and shuffling feet?  These poor individuals undoubtedly had parents who chose to deal with their children's problems by saying things to them like "Well, there's no use complaining about it Jamie" or "Keep calm and carry on Julia".  In my opinion, unless poison has a way out of the body it tends to settle in the shoulders and the knees, the feet and the eyeballs.  That pent up complaining can also manifest as serious, albeit less obvious illness.  Mental illness is rife among those who choose to put on a constant happy face. ( click for reference ) Clogged arteries, strokes, heart attacks - no thanks.  Complaining...well as long as it's good for my appearance and my health, I'm happy to oblige. My last entry focused on Internet dating and my complaint was loosely based on the fact that I was compatible with so few men that I was very probably going to...