Hello, my name is Doris and I'd like to make a complaint.

I've been pleasantly amused by the media frenzy surrounding the Ashley Madison married dating website hack. Apparently 33 million user accounts leaked - 32, 999, 980 male accounts, and 20 filthy female whores who used the married dating website to lure faithful men away from their loving wives. The media has focused almost exclusively on the women who have had to deal with the fallout. Stories of shocked wives and their now repentant husbands. Addiction counselling. Separation. Apparently even suicide. One local radio station asked women to call in if they suspected their partner of cheating. Really?!  I listened as one poor dove of a woman was called up and the bad news broken to her: "Hi Jan, sorry to tell you this, but your husband's email address is on the list…" At first silence. Then "That's disgusting!" Her next response? You'll never guess. She berated the previous caller, a single woman who used AM for casual sex. As Jan said, ...

My most recent email of complaint to a catholic school (and so it goes on…and on…and on): Dear Father XXXX, I would like to express my concern about a conversation Mr XXXX had with year 11  XXXX  boys last week regarding what he believed to be appropriate dress code for the female partners of boys attending the upcoming semi-formal. The boys were instructed that should their date be dressed inappropriately, then she would be asked to wear the college shirt for the night. I would like to understand Mr XXXX’s definition of “inappropriate.” I have grave concerns with what seems to be an obsession, almost exclusively reserved for Catholic schools, with the dress code of women attending semi-formals and formals.  This obsession does not seem to be based on previous experience of women attending these events “inappropriately” attired, yet this same talk is given to both boys and girls in year 11 and 12 year after year.  I have never heard of an...

"Maybe I couldn’t make it. Maybe I don’t have a pretty smile, good teeth, nice tits, long legs, a cheeky arse, a sexy voice. Maybe I don’t know how to handle men and increase my market value, so that the rewards due to the feminine will accrue to me. Then again, maybe I’m sick of the masquerade. I’m sick of pretending eternal youth. I’m sick of belying my own intelligence, my own will, my own sex. I’m sick of peering at the world through false eyelashes, so everything I see is mixed with a shadow of bought hairs; I’m sick of weighting my head with a dead mane, unable to move my neck freely, terrified of rain, of wind, of dancing too vigorously in case I sweat into my lacquered curls. I’m sick of the Powder Room. I’m sick of pretending that some fatuous male’s self-important pronouncements are the objects of my undivided attention, I’m sick of going to films and plays when someone else wants to, and sick of having no opinions of my own about either. I’m sick of being a transvest...

Women dislike men because they are: inconsiderate  rude  egotistical thoughtless shallow aggressive  boring unsympathetic  lazy self-absorbed controlling cruel unhygienic simple dependent sexist  poorly groomed  badly dressed  embarrassing infantile Men dislike women because:  we occasionally  point  this  out  to  them 

Attention gentlemen!  I'm house-trained and fully domesticated! I'm looking for an attractive, young-at-heart, sexy, fun-loving, determined, unique, curious, creative, adventurous, intelligent, compassionate, authentic, sensual, masculine, playful, loyal, trustworthy, honest, confident, cheeky, strong, successful, financially secure man to share good times and great laughs. I'm looking for a man who is handsome AND has brains. Someone who can look "beyond next week". Extra points if you speak another language (preferably European). Surely that's not too much to ask! A little about me.  I'm tactile and affectionate. I'm baggage-free. I like to kiss and cuddle...and hold hands in public and I hope you do too. At night I like to wind down from my extremely important job with a glass of wine, some home-made rotolo al forno, and then curl up on the couch with a good DVD. I'm social but I'm a home-body. I'm loud but I'm shy. I like the occ...

NewtoBrissy was, as his dating name suggests, new to Brisbane.  Originally from Canada, he'd moved from his children and ex-partner some years ago to live in another country.  He was now fresh from Adelaide, and looking for some company. This 48 year old man was after someone intelligent.  He wasn't looking for "someone to complete me or an Aristophanian soulmate." Deep stuff. NewtoBrissy was completing his PhD and searching for his not-really-forever-and-ever-soulmate on the internet. I contacted him. I must admit that I was turned off by the fact that he lived a hemisphere away from his children, but I'm also realistic. I understand that beggars can't always be choosers, and a bit of give and take is required when screening through the endless undesirables.  If he agreed to meet, it would be interesting to hear him explain that his ex-partner was insane, and he had to move to get away from her. Like all men and their "crazy" ex-partners, ...

Have you ever read a heap of men's dating profiles, and been a little turned off, felt a little uneasy, by the way men refer to their daughters? I have. There is always some nice little gender-specific adjective before the word "daughter(s)" that gives those daughters the qualities men are fanging for in their women. "My gorgeous / my beautiful / my lovely daughters…" You know, safe words to use when referring to your own offspring.  Careful guys, you wouldn't want to use any unsafe words like "smoking" "hot" or "sexy".  Play it cool and no-one will suspect a thing. You never see men describing their sons in dating profiles using adjectives. They might mention "I like spending time with my boys" or "My boys are with me every second weekend". They never refer to their son's looks or personality, and even if they did, they wouldn't use the same words that men save exclusively for women…or other...

Wolli Creek Lady She's the Wolli Creek Lady All cultured and moral She knows what she wants and it's 100% oral. She's bold and she's sassy and a little overweight 'Not married or attached' thanks if you're keen to be her date. Twenty-eight to forty-eight She wants you younger please Travel...dinner...movies then a night between her knees. Only men from Sydney thanks Her life's a bit complex She likes to travel interstate for 100% oral sex. Does she reciprocate the favour and reward men with a blow? Is her anatomy the problem? I'm not sure we'll ever know. Perhaps a problem with her vag? Blue Waffle springs to mind Vaginismus, dryness, anxiety, PID or a fetish of some kind? A profile most peculiar I don't know of any men who'd want to spend their evening  giving pleasure to this hen. 100% oral? Yes yes, men want that too but requesting it i...

My teenage daughter filled me in on an incident she dealt with on public transport this week.  A man in his mid 20's waits for her to remove her bag from the seat beside her so he can sit there. He stands and waits patiently. Plenty of free seats all around him, but he waits for the one beside her. He sits down and spreads his legs WIDE OPEN. Way over her half of the seat. Like most men do. A good 75cm between his knees. So my daughter placed her bag between her legs and adjusted herself, spreading her legs wide open as well.  At this point she says their thighs were pushed up hard against each other. Neither gave in. She says he was distracted at first, and then gradually became agitated. After a few minutes, he adjusted his position. Moving his bag around, he managed to straighten both of his legs out in a wide V...and then he extended his left leg... over the top of her right leg...so his left calf was resting on her right shin and his left foot was resting between her l...

How much of conversation is dominated by men during a first date, or during a relationship?  How long can a man talk about himself, his opinions, his beliefs, his desires without interruption? How does this sit with women who date them? Well…it grates! And as my post-separation single years continue, and I have the 'privilege' of experiencing more one-on-one conversation with single men, it can sometimes be difficult to notice anything else.       I've had a few first dates recently. Steve. Not a confident man by any stretch of the imagination. Had an obvious speech impediment and an unfortunate facial tick. Didn't stop him dominating the conversation.  One sentence from me was followed by 10 minutes of conversation from him.   John was the same.  Listened to him for the first hour talk about his fledgling business. The conversation consisted of him firing reasons at me (ad nauseam) for why he had bought his frozen yoghurt franchise; how the bus...

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Is it healthy to stay friends with an ex-partner?  Does it mean you're strange if you don't? Does staying friends with an ex mean you are emotionally mature or emotionally stuck?  Friendship is one thing.  Living together for years after a relationship has ended is in an entirely different ball park, especially when you are actively searching for a third person to plop into the mix. I’ve just finished up a relationship with a man who has been living with an ex-girlfriend for the last year. In fact, they have lived together a few times since they broke up 7 years ago. For a confluence of reasons I was told. How did I feel about this?   Well, those living arrangements caused a lot of problems for me, as I am sure it would most, if faced with this situation.   Problems arose pretty early on, before I even knew they’d had a sexual relationship.   I had originally assumed they had dated once or twice and then just said ‘lets be friends.’   N...