I pay taxes and...I can't make it past halfway in Fifty Shades of Grey
I'm packing it in at page 215. I know I'm way behind the eighth ball when it comes to getting around to reading this book, but there is absolutely no way I can read any further. "Fifty Shades of Grey" makes me angry.
Here is what I have gleaned so far:
So Anastasia is reading "the contract" with a view to signing it to give her more time with the mysterious and horribly attractive Christian.
Anastasia - about to finish University, majoring in English Literature; modern; intelligent; never been drunk; never had sex; never had a boyfriend. How convenient. Meets Christian - fabulously wealthy; high-powered businessman; sexually intoxicating; control freak; sick sexual master-servant disciplinarian. Christian spent his adolescent years as a Submissive wearing a dog collar and being led around by his aged girlfriend. Umm, he's switched to Dominant now and prefers women younger than himself.
Encounter # 1. Christian shows Anastasia his Red Room - a torture chamber set up to feed his sick sexual urges that centre around a woman's vagina and his right to do whatever he pleases with it. Christian takes Anastasia for the first time. His touch is electric and he marvels at how easy it is to make Anastasia orgasm with "vanilla sex". His touch brings her alive. He takes her virginity. She fights the urge to climax immediately. He brings her to orgasm twice within 30 minutes. Christian falls into a deep sleep beside Anastasia. He never falls asleep in bed with his submissive. Another first for Christian. Anastasia wakes first in the morning and she sneaks out of bed, pops her hair into pigtails and starts to cook Christian an omelette while wearing his oversized business shirt and dancing to modern pop music on her iPod.
Encounter # 2. Christian teaches Anastasia to take him in her mouth in the bubble bath. She proves to be a natural. Christian climaxes into her mouth and Anastasia swallows it. Despite Anastasia's recent tender perineum from her session the night before, Christian rewards her with more "vanilla sex". Anastasia climaxes twice despite how wet she is.
Anastasia returns home no longer a virgin, having spent the most magnificent night of her life with her soon-to-be Master. "The contract" arrives in the post from Christian. Anastasia yearns to discuss her feelings with her long time friend and flatmate Kate, but Christian had her sign a contract that forbids any mention of things she sees and performs while she is with him. Anastasia battles with her own common sense and her above average intelligence and she finally decides to err on the side of caution. She decides to keep her feelings to herself and nut this out alone. She begins to read... (I'll cut to the interesting bits)
Appendix 2 - Hard Limits. The things Christian just can't consent to. He has to draw the line somewhere I suppose.
...among other things, "No acts involving defecations and the products thereof."
and later in the contract...
"Does the Submissive consent to (among other things) anal intercourse, anal fisting, anal toys, butt plugs?"
What the?? It's fairly accurate to assume there is poo up there right?
I'm done. What a load of crap. Literally!
Here is what I have gleaned so far:
So Anastasia is reading "the contract" with a view to signing it to give her more time with the mysterious and horribly attractive Christian.
Anastasia - about to finish University, majoring in English Literature; modern; intelligent; never been drunk; never had sex; never had a boyfriend. How convenient. Meets Christian - fabulously wealthy; high-powered businessman; sexually intoxicating; control freak; sick sexual master-servant disciplinarian. Christian spent his adolescent years as a Submissive wearing a dog collar and being led around by his aged girlfriend. Umm, he's switched to Dominant now and prefers women younger than himself.
Encounter # 1. Christian shows Anastasia his Red Room - a torture chamber set up to feed his sick sexual urges that centre around a woman's vagina and his right to do whatever he pleases with it. Christian takes Anastasia for the first time. His touch is electric and he marvels at how easy it is to make Anastasia orgasm with "vanilla sex". His touch brings her alive. He takes her virginity. She fights the urge to climax immediately. He brings her to orgasm twice within 30 minutes. Christian falls into a deep sleep beside Anastasia. He never falls asleep in bed with his submissive. Another first for Christian. Anastasia wakes first in the morning and she sneaks out of bed, pops her hair into pigtails and starts to cook Christian an omelette while wearing his oversized business shirt and dancing to modern pop music on her iPod.
Encounter # 2. Christian teaches Anastasia to take him in her mouth in the bubble bath. She proves to be a natural. Christian climaxes into her mouth and Anastasia swallows it. Despite Anastasia's recent tender perineum from her session the night before, Christian rewards her with more "vanilla sex". Anastasia climaxes twice despite how wet she is.
Anastasia returns home no longer a virgin, having spent the most magnificent night of her life with her soon-to-be Master. "The contract" arrives in the post from Christian. Anastasia yearns to discuss her feelings with her long time friend and flatmate Kate, but Christian had her sign a contract that forbids any mention of things she sees and performs while she is with him. Anastasia battles with her own common sense and her above average intelligence and she finally decides to err on the side of caution. She decides to keep her feelings to herself and nut this out alone. She begins to read... (I'll cut to the interesting bits)
Appendix 2 - Hard Limits. The things Christian just can't consent to. He has to draw the line somewhere I suppose.
...among other things, "No acts involving defecations and the products thereof."
and later in the contract...
"Does the Submissive consent to (among other things) anal intercourse, anal fisting, anal toys, butt plugs?"
What the?? It's fairly accurate to assume there is poo up there right?
I'm done. What a load of crap. Literally!
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