Etiquette and equity in the hotel room.
I am a single woman who occasionally chooses to meet with married men who actively seek an affair on a married dating website.
My question is: why would I pay for the hotel room?
I've dated the single, modern "50:50 man" for 4 years now. So it certainly comes as no shock that the 50:50 man has oozed over to the married websites. The single websites make me laugh with men's catchphrases spouting things like "No gold diggers please" or "I'll shout the first coffee if you send the first email". Or the most ironic one I've seen yet: "I believe strongly that men and women are equals". Scroll down to that same 44 year-old male's age specifications for his female mate, and I can see that he would like a woman aged 25-35. He has no interest in equality.
And just like the single men with their belief that equality and feminism mean that women should pay for half of everything, I've not met a married man yet that hasn't hesitated to accept shared payment for the hotel room. They seem to think it's a fair exchange. "Yes, that would be good if you could arrange that." "Great, I booked last time, how about you organise this time around?" I've even had: "Would you like a glass of wine before we...? You can buy the next bottle."
Here's my interpretation of things. I've interrupted my working life for 17 years while raising children - just like most married men's own wives I imagine. That's how our sexist society works. As a result of this ridiculous custom, I now earn less money per year than I otherwise could had I forged ahead with a career, unhindered by children and the deeply embedded sexism that for females goes hand in hand with a 'career' and children. Even married men without children, will one day benefit from the time that I invested in raising children. My children will eventually be their postman, their accountant, their nurse, their plumber. Women give up a hell of a lot to raise the workers of tomorrow. Very few men recognise that, and society ignores it completely.
One more point. While raising children, I battle a child support system which unwaveringly financially favours men who have chosen not to be involved in the humdrum of their own children's lives. That's 87-96% of separated men (click here to see my previous blog entry with reference for these stats).
We are not equals. He is fucking outside his marriage, and more than likely he has struggled to find someone to do this with. He's stumbled upon a single woman on a website who has guaranteed she isn't interested in anything long-term. Pure gold. Why would I pay for sex when I can get that for free...literally anywhere?
And if he'd stumbled upon a married woman on that website, you can pretty well guarantee she wouldn't be married still if she had the means to get away. Married men looking for sex on a married website aren't equals with the women they will meet there.
A single women liaising with a married man should not have to pay for sex. That's not equality. That's insane! No thank you kind Sir, I think I'll pass.
My question is: why would I pay for the hotel room?
I've dated the single, modern "50:50 man" for 4 years now. So it certainly comes as no shock that the 50:50 man has oozed over to the married websites. The single websites make me laugh with men's catchphrases spouting things like "No gold diggers please" or "I'll shout the first coffee if you send the first email". Or the most ironic one I've seen yet: "I believe strongly that men and women are equals". Scroll down to that same 44 year-old male's age specifications for his female mate, and I can see that he would like a woman aged 25-35. He has no interest in equality.
And just like the single men with their belief that equality and feminism mean that women should pay for half of everything, I've not met a married man yet that hasn't hesitated to accept shared payment for the hotel room. They seem to think it's a fair exchange. "Yes, that would be good if you could arrange that." "Great, I booked last time, how about you organise this time around?" I've even had: "Would you like a glass of wine before we...? You can buy the next bottle."
Here's my interpretation of things. I've interrupted my working life for 17 years while raising children - just like most married men's own wives I imagine. That's how our sexist society works. As a result of this ridiculous custom, I now earn less money per year than I otherwise could had I forged ahead with a career, unhindered by children and the deeply embedded sexism that for females goes hand in hand with a 'career' and children. Even married men without children, will one day benefit from the time that I invested in raising children. My children will eventually be their postman, their accountant, their nurse, their plumber. Women give up a hell of a lot to raise the workers of tomorrow. Very few men recognise that, and society ignores it completely.
One more point. While raising children, I battle a child support system which unwaveringly financially favours men who have chosen not to be involved in the humdrum of their own children's lives. That's 87-96% of separated men (click here to see my previous blog entry with reference for these stats).
We are not equals. He is fucking outside his marriage, and more than likely he has struggled to find someone to do this with. He's stumbled upon a single woman on a website who has guaranteed she isn't interested in anything long-term. Pure gold. Why would I pay for sex when I can get that for free...literally anywhere?
And if he'd stumbled upon a married woman on that website, you can pretty well guarantee she wouldn't be married still if she had the means to get away. Married men looking for sex on a married website aren't equals with the women they will meet there.
A single women liaising with a married man should not have to pay for sex. That's not equality. That's insane! No thank you kind Sir, I think I'll pass.
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