Fathers and their "gorgeous" daughters
Have you ever read a heap of men's dating profiles, and been a little turned off, felt a little uneasy, by the way men refer to their daughters?
I have.
There is always some nice little gender-specific adjective before the word "daughter(s)" that gives those daughters the qualities men are fanging for in their women.
"My gorgeous / my beautiful / my lovely daughters…" You know, safe words to use when referring to your own offspring. Careful guys, you wouldn't want to use any unsafe words like "smoking" "hot" or "sexy". Play it cool and no-one will suspect a thing.
You never see men describing their sons in dating profiles using adjectives. They might mention "I like spending time with my boys" or "My boys are with me every second weekend". They never refer to their son's looks or personality, and even if they did, they wouldn't use the same words that men save exclusively for women…or other delicate little things.
I'm referring to men my age and over here. The ones whose daughters usually aren't little girls anymore. They have no idea the women who read their profile don't care less what gender their children are. Do they think we need the information to organise a play-date with their kids? Just let us know if they live with you, otherwise there's no need to share your kids with me, because I'm assuming like you, they have their own lives. I suspect men think that producing female offspring makes them attractive to women and somehow proves they really "get" women. You're a female, I produced a female, I therefore understand you crazy air-headed females.
I'm calling bullshit on that.
I'm talking generally here. I'm sure there are some fantastic fathers of daughters out there. I grew up watching some wonderful dads on TV, wishing they were mine: Dr Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby rape accusations aside), Tony Micelli from Who's the Boss and Herman Munster to name a few. If we want to generalise though (and let's look at Australia here - a country that is becoming increasingly gender unequal with each passing year, and a country that prides itself on traditional gender roles), we have to acknowledge that the only time fathers really poke their heads into raising their daughters is to instruct them on what they shouldn't be wearing to that party - what they think is too sexy or may turn them on too much. To them, feeling the tweak of an erection is a sure sign that the outfit their daughter has chosen is waaay too slutty. Wouldn't want someone else to nail their daughter before they've had a fair chance would we? Fathers also like to poke their head in on decisions for curfews and parties their daughters should/shouldn't attend (depending on access to alcohol and likelihood their daughter will kiss a boy, have her breast felt or have sex), and internet access (wouldn't want those daughters viewing any graphic misogynistic porn too early in their sexual lives - might make them horny for it…with someone other than good old dad). Oh for goodness sake, these are their daughters we're talking about! They only have their daughter's best interests at heart. The big man is just looking out for their little lady.
When it comes to daughters, fathers love to take the lead with sex education. I dated a man once who told me that he insisted to his wife at the time, that he educate his 10 year old daughter about the "birds and the bees." His term, not mine. He took me through how he accomplished her education. He bought a book about sex and reproduction. After reading it through once himself, he tore the last chapter about menstruation OUT of the book, because that was "too dirty and a little too graphic" as it talked a lot about bleeding and described the basics of how to insert a tampon. Tampon insertion! He felt a little queazy about that. Really yukky stuff. Something his daughter is probably going to struggle with initially and then repeat approximately 10,000 times in her life. Something she is going to deal with a little more frequently than sex, pregnancy or semen in her underpants. He proceeded to tell me how he lay on her bed (yes, lay on her bed. Nothing sexual or controlling in that. For fuck's sake, he's her DAD!) and he read the entire book to her. And then he made her read it back to him. Twice! Why did this make me feel ill? Because it's incestuous and controlling perhaps? Fathers generally (it's important to clarify that…generally - as I said, some great TV dads out there) like to have control of anything that revolves around their daughter's sexuality, any activity that increases their daughter's perceived likelihood of falling pregnant, or anything that might mean their daughter(s) are independent of them - the only man who has a real right to them.
If you want a dose of creepy Dad, take a look at Australia's current Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Always sandwiched between his daughters for photo opportunities, arms around their waists, like he's about to retire to the bedroom for a menage et trios, or a menage et quatre? If Tony had sons would he wrap his arms around their waists for a photo opportunity? Would he rest his hands on their knees? Say anything about those sexually laden photos and you'd be labelled a sick bitch. The augment "I love my daughters. How dare you insinuate it's any more than that" can't be won. But we all get the same feeling when we see the photos. We know what Tony's is thinking. I'm a pretty hot man, and look at my hot daughters that I'm touching and I'm sandwiched between. You want it. I've got it.
And I suspect the more attractive the daughter, the more fathers feel their daughters are a reflection on them…and, the more likely they are to mention their daughters in their dating profiles like it's their personal drawcard.
Second place for the most repulsive trait in a male dating profile after "I love my kids".
"My gorgeous/beautiful/lovely daughters…"
I have.
There is always some nice little gender-specific adjective before the word "daughter(s)" that gives those daughters the qualities men are fanging for in their women.
"My gorgeous / my beautiful / my lovely daughters…" You know, safe words to use when referring to your own offspring. Careful guys, you wouldn't want to use any unsafe words like "smoking" "hot" or "sexy". Play it cool and no-one will suspect a thing.
You never see men describing their sons in dating profiles using adjectives. They might mention "I like spending time with my boys" or "My boys are with me every second weekend". They never refer to their son's looks or personality, and even if they did, they wouldn't use the same words that men save exclusively for women…or other delicate little things.
I'm referring to men my age and over here. The ones whose daughters usually aren't little girls anymore. They have no idea the women who read their profile don't care less what gender their children are. Do they think we need the information to organise a play-date with their kids? Just let us know if they live with you, otherwise there's no need to share your kids with me, because I'm assuming like you, they have their own lives. I suspect men think that producing female offspring makes them attractive to women and somehow proves they really "get" women. You're a female, I produced a female, I therefore understand you crazy air-headed females.
I'm calling bullshit on that.
I'm talking generally here. I'm sure there are some fantastic fathers of daughters out there. I grew up watching some wonderful dads on TV, wishing they were mine: Dr Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby rape accusations aside), Tony Micelli from Who's the Boss and Herman Munster to name a few. If we want to generalise though (and let's look at Australia here - a country that is becoming increasingly gender unequal with each passing year, and a country that prides itself on traditional gender roles), we have to acknowledge that the only time fathers really poke their heads into raising their daughters is to instruct them on what they shouldn't be wearing to that party - what they think is too sexy or may turn them on too much. To them, feeling the tweak of an erection is a sure sign that the outfit their daughter has chosen is waaay too slutty. Wouldn't want someone else to nail their daughter before they've had a fair chance would we? Fathers also like to poke their head in on decisions for curfews and parties their daughters should/shouldn't attend (depending on access to alcohol and likelihood their daughter will kiss a boy, have her breast felt or have sex), and internet access (wouldn't want those daughters viewing any graphic misogynistic porn too early in their sexual lives - might make them horny for it…with someone other than good old dad). Oh for goodness sake, these are their daughters we're talking about! They only have their daughter's best interests at heart. The big man is just looking out for their little lady.
When it comes to daughters, fathers love to take the lead with sex education. I dated a man once who told me that he insisted to his wife at the time, that he educate his 10 year old daughter about the "birds and the bees." His term, not mine. He took me through how he accomplished her education. He bought a book about sex and reproduction. After reading it through once himself, he tore the last chapter about menstruation OUT of the book, because that was "too dirty and a little too graphic" as it talked a lot about bleeding and described the basics of how to insert a tampon. Tampon insertion! He felt a little queazy about that. Really yukky stuff. Something his daughter is probably going to struggle with initially and then repeat approximately 10,000 times in her life. Something she is going to deal with a little more frequently than sex, pregnancy or semen in her underpants. He proceeded to tell me how he lay on her bed (yes, lay on her bed. Nothing sexual or controlling in that. For fuck's sake, he's her DAD!) and he read the entire book to her. And then he made her read it back to him. Twice! Why did this make me feel ill? Because it's incestuous and controlling perhaps? Fathers generally (it's important to clarify that…generally - as I said, some great TV dads out there) like to have control of anything that revolves around their daughter's sexuality, any activity that increases their daughter's perceived likelihood of falling pregnant, or anything that might mean their daughter(s) are independent of them - the only man who has a real right to them.
If you want a dose of creepy Dad, take a look at Australia's current Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Always sandwiched between his daughters for photo opportunities, arms around their waists, like he's about to retire to the bedroom for a menage et trios, or a menage et quatre? If Tony had sons would he wrap his arms around their waists for a photo opportunity? Would he rest his hands on their knees? Say anything about those sexually laden photos and you'd be labelled a sick bitch. The augment "I love my daughters. How dare you insinuate it's any more than that" can't be won. But we all get the same feeling when we see the photos. We know what Tony's is thinking. I'm a pretty hot man, and look at my hot daughters that I'm touching and I'm sandwiched between. You want it. I've got it.
And I suspect the more attractive the daughter, the more fathers feel their daughters are a reflection on them…and, the more likely they are to mention their daughters in their dating profiles like it's their personal drawcard.
Second place for the most repulsive trait in a male dating profile after "I love my kids".
"My gorgeous/beautiful/lovely daughters…"
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| If the middle daughter moves her left hand a teensy bit lower she might be able to feel her Dad's erection |
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