We'll always have Paris

The first time I noticed Pete's breathing problem I was sitting in the passenger seat of his V8 automatic Hilux ute.  Four normal quiet breaths followed by one long deep breath. In then out, whistling through that deviated septum. The cycle repeated itself over and over again as he leaned forward driving, as he did, his right arm wrapped over the top of the steering wheel. Fucking ignore it I told myself.  I'd had a lot of lectures during my 6 years of dating: "You're too picky Doris!" "Not all men..." "Why do you even bother?"  Maybe I could put up with it? 

Pete hadn't done well for himself since his split from his wife some 10 years earlier. His need to purchase a roaring ute for the short drive to work each day had beaten the need to own a home. As a result, at 50yrs of age, he was renting a small, rather depressing 2 bedroom unit. He'd entered a relationship shortly after splitting with his wife and when that had ended two years later he decided to do what any sensible man does, and rent a house a few streets away from his ex-wife and kids and new husband. Yes, believe it or not, there are women who jump in for a second round of romance and adventure. 

Who knows why he chose to live so close to her? I guess he figured he could keep an eye on her. It certainly wasn't with a view to seeing his children more often. Long talks on the phone to his 2 kids mid-week and a lot of talk about 'respect' meant his kids now spent as little time as possible with him. Show me a man who doesn't raise his kids, and I'll show you a man who uses the word 'respect' too often.

It was always rather peculiar to have him crane his neck past me in the passenger seat of his ute to look down the street his wife and kids lived in...just to make sure everything was ok.

First time we had sex, Pete was kind enough to let me know that my genitals weren't as ugly as some he'd seen. "Yours are alright" he said to me as we got dressed. Ironically, Pete's own genitals were completely deformed. Bent so out of shape that when his penis was erect he needed to hold it and force it straight before he could enter. No explanation was forthcoming about that.

I starting going out with Pete shortly before I sold my house. Over those next few months I battled my instincts, weighing up his few good points versus his many bad. Could I put up with his ute roaring into my driveway at 1.00am every night when his shift ended if it meant he'd be there in the morning to help get my house ready for an open inspection? Was company over a glass of wine in a nice bar payback enough for listening to him adopt a Chinese accent when he was ordering wantons? Was having someone to go with for coffee worth listening to a 'funny' story about workplace bullying? Accusing an immigrant worker of dropping food on the floor during production and 'joking' with her that it would come out of her pay that week.  She apparently pleaded with him that she hadn't done it. In the end (and he swears this too was a joke) he told her he'd let her off if she'd buy him a coffee. Next day at work, she delivers a take-away coffee to his office. And boy did he and his male workmates laugh about that when she left. Such a great joke.

Pete the bully. A racist, sexist, redneck bully. There's plenty more I could mention, as there is with every man I write about in this blog, but it's too depressing to go on.  Sadly, Pete's no worse than any of the men I've gone out in the past. He's actually an improvement on the man-baby co-dependent I dated before him.

I ended it with Pete in a hotel in Paris. His endless Facebook updates, open to the public once he arrived in Europe were posted I expect for the benefit of his ex-wife (10 years on mind you) and that annoyed me, and his breathing finally proved too much to endure. I didn't feel bad leaving him at that hotel. I'd paid for his airfare. He was a bit short on cash apparently. When I got to my own room and opened my computer, there were Pete's bank account details open on the screen.  He'd forgotten to logoff.  His savings account had $14,000 in it.